Adam Yehiye Gadahn - "American Al-Qaida" Dumbass

Let me just start with the obvious - here we have a(n) (obviously) disillusioned young man of 28 who seems to suffer from the Madonna school of (badly) affecting foreign accents. In her case, it is supposed to be an English accent she is impersonating (remember, Madonna + Acting ain't exactly Cheese + Crackers); for Adam, he is (vainly) attempting to emulate his Islamic thug heroes. In both cases, they make themselves look foolish - especially to those they are trying to fit in with.

Just days before the 5th anniversary of 9-11, Adam (a.k.a. "Azzam the American") Yehiye Gadahn made his second big-time appearance - with his new pal, Al-Qaida's number two Ayman Al-Zawahir - on a videotape released on an Islamic militant web site earlier this month. But unlike his July 7th debut, in this 48-minute video he was given a much more starring role - suggesting that Al-Qaida believes him to be someone who can communicate effectively with Americans (DOH! Revisit first paragraph IRT communication skills).

Zawahiri had simply opened the segment with a brief introduction to the video and a call to Americans to convert to Islam. (Yeah, I'll get right on that, Ayman buddy).

This sad and confused lad Adam actually delivered something like a lecture in the video, chastising Christians and Jews in "Bush's crusades" while praising the successes of his new idols in Iraq and Afghanistan and at times directing his comments to U.S. troops. Some snippets of Adam's "recruiting pitch" to the Soldiers:

"Instead of killing yourself for Bush ... why not surrender to the truth (of Islam)? Escape from the unbelieving army and join the winning side. Time is running out so make the right choice before it's too late...."

"You know that if you die as an unbeliever in battle against the Muslims you’re going straight to Hell without passing GO ... You know you’re considered by Bush and his bunch of warmongers as nothing more than expendable cannon fodder ... You know they couldn't care less about your safety and well-being."

According to the Associated Press:

"Gadahn grew up in rural simplicity on a ranch southwest of Hemet, California. His father, Philip, said he moved there in the 1970s to escape the noise and traffic of the city, changing the family name from Pearlman because he was starting a new life...

--His family name was "Pearlman"? Imagine that...

"The family tried raising goats as a business, but it wasn't profitable and they now keep them just to eat the grass around the home as fire protection."

--I wonder what may have happened if the Pearlmans got a lawnmower and made their shiftless son mow the friggin grass! And growing up with all those goats just had to have an affect on the poor boy...d'ya think he dated any girls? (Naaahhhhh....

"Gadahn (chose to) move to the suburbs of Los Angeles where he became a Muslim and worshipped at the Islamic Society of Orange County. The mosque later expelled him for attacking one of its leaders."

--They were probably making fun of his fake Arabic accent. Kids can be SO CRUEL!

From an MSNBC article, dated May 27, 2004:

"Gadahn was home-schooled at the family farm in Riverside County. He did not attend college. Omar said the family was a 'more or less Christian household, but no one was particularly religious.'"

--Home schooled by a Jewish familiy that was suffering a crisis in both identity and religion? No chores? No college? Goats for friends? Jeeeeez...no wonder this plump fuzzy-cheeked young'un turned out to be such a messed up Freakazoid!

So "Azzam" disappeared from the U.S. soon after the 9-11 attacks in 2001 - perhaps because he thought those burning towers he saw on his television while petting his goat and scarfing cheese-fries was a vision from Allah?

In 2004, the FBI announced it was seeking Gadahn in connection with possible terrorist threats against the U.S. But by the looks of our soft, erstwhile countryman, I would not expect to see him take up arms or explosives for his newfound cause anytime soon. Those American Soldiers he presumed to lecture to might not play as nice-nice as those meanies in the California mosque who kicked him to the curb.

No, Azzam will enjoy his shortlived celebrity / pariah status until he is no longer deemed useful, and I predict he will be abandoned as unceremoniously by his new handlers as a torn sandal in a Baghdad alley; left with just the "pariah" thing to live - or die - with.