Saturday, September 24, 2005

Cindy Sheehan ~ A Gold Star DUMBASS

"BUSH yada yada LIED yada JEWS yada yada yada"
Okay, so Cindy has been working very hard to make my DOTW - and I recognize that. Unfortunately for Ms. Sheehan's recently developed ego, there has been much more important news and she has been largely overshadowed as of late. However, being an EQUAL OPPORTUNITY kind of Dumbass Detective, I kept her in mind and am now prepared to recognize her achievement.

Congrats Cindy! YOU are the new DUMBASS Of The Week!!!!

First, a word on her TRULY HEROIC SON....Casey Sheehan. Despite your loopey mother, we honor your patriotism and sacrifice.

Casey Sheehan was an Army Specialist who served his Nation honorably until he fell in April 2004. Like millions of his equally brave countrymen over the last 229 years, he had volunteered to serve his country and paid the ultimate price. His life, and death, should be honored by all Americans.

As a mechanic in the 1st battalion, 82nd Field Artillery Regiment, Casey did not have to go into the battle that claimed his life. When some of his fellow soldiers encountered resistance, he and others in his unit chose to go into combat to save his friends.

Cindy Sheehan herself recounted it this way: "[T]he sergeant said, "Sheehan, you don't have to go," because my son was a mechanic. And Casey said, "Where my Chief goes, I go.""
Her husband has filed for divorce, and her own family has condemned her actions:

"The Sheehan Family lost our beloved Casey in the Iraq War and we have been silently, respectfully grieving. We do not agree with the political motivations and publicity tactics of Cindy Sheehan. She now appears to be promoting her own personal agenda and notoriety at the the expense of her son's good name and reputation. The rest of the Sheehan Family supports the troops, our country, and our President, silently, with prayer and respect."

And now, Sheehan has hired a Public Relations firm to guide her through this peace movement. She has been joined by such liberal suck-ups as Jesse Jackson, Jessica Lange, Al Sharpton and Joan Baez.

During her camp-out in Crawford Texas, and then her Bus Tour to Washington D.C., she has blasted Israel, George Bush, Tony Blair, Hillary Clintonand our folks in uniform - and often with colorful language. She has staged mock "cry-ins for Casey," protests in which she lies about being "roughed up," and is now signing deals for PAID speaking tours.

This child-like, attention-addicted DUMBASS has outworn her status as "Grieving Mom" to most Americans. Her crowd of 100,000 descending on Washington D.C. amounted to far less than half of that, and we can only hope that this is a sign that her ride is about over.

Monday Update: After three ignored warnings to "move along" while staging a "sit-in" (or whatever it's called), DUMBASS pulled a Martin Sheen and got herself arrested by D.C. police. (Hey! Martin SHEEHAN....hmmmm ;-)

Sunday, September 18, 2005

George Carlin - Still Not Funny, and STILL a DUMBASS!

Hey, anybody got some VICADIN!
As I recently watched George Carlin making a total DUMBASS out of himself last Friday night on Real Time with Bill Maher (who, incidentally, is also a real DUMBASS), I found myself asking (myself) two questions:

1) Has George Carlin EVER been funny? The answer for me goes way back to the 70's, when I first saw him "perform." I remember thinking to myself "Wow - this guy talks alot about farts, shit, masturbation, nose-picking etc. But sheesh, he is REALLY NOT FRIGGIN' FUNNY!"

2) How does a guy like Carlin, himself now a RICH WHITE GUY, get off saying such stupid shit on T.V., such as:
"It shouldn't be a surprise that rich white men don't care about poor black people. Period."
Ummm...can you say DUMBASS! I would be willing to bet that most poor black people don't give a shit about rich white guys (like George), either. Just a guess...

Now let's get real for a second here. George Carlin, who has been in and out of rehab for drug and alcohol addiction more times than I've been issued parking tickets (and that's a bunch, friends ;-) feels qualified to tell us how to vote and what is wrong with our government?

This 69 year-old washed-up junky/alchy has-been REALLY needs to find a nice, quiet shithole to retire and stock up his poisons. Leave the politics to those of us who can still qualify for security clearances and maybe rub a few brain-cells together...mmmkay, DUMBASS!?

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Howard "DUMBASS" Dean

"We're gonna take MARS, we're gonna take SATURN, we're gonna be DUMBASSES - RAAAAWWWRRRRGGGHHH!"
As if he hasn't said enough to rank as one of America's MAJOR LEAGUE DUMBASSES, Howard Dean stepped in it again...and certainly not for the last time.

Along with the OTHER DUMBASSES who have leapt onto the Katrina Bandwagon, DNC (Dumbass National Chairman?) Howard Dean is quoted with the following:

"We have to come to terms with the ugly truth that skin color, age and economics played a significant role in who survived and who did not..."

Now here's an original thought, from an original thinker! I can just imagine Dr. Dean, who grew up in the Hamptons and is a millionaire, salivating over the bad news in the Gulf states, while watching events unfold from one of his mansions.

Among other notable Deanisms (it's hard to choose ~ there are SO many):

-Claimed the Republican Party did not understand the lives of hard-working Americans because they "never made an honest living in their lives."

-Characterized Republicans as "a pretty monolithic party. They all behave the same. They all look the same. It's pretty much a white Christian party."

-On Republicans and race: "You think the Republican National Committee could get this many people of color in a single room? Only if they had the hotel staff in here."

-On Tom Delay: "I think Tom DeLay ought to go back to Houston where he can serve his jail sentence!" (DeLay has never been charged or convicted of any crime).

-While campaiging for President: "I still want to be the candidate for guys with Confederate flags in their pickup trucks."

Howard Dean is a man on a mission: To be the BIGGEST DUMBASS on the continent...and he is doing a terrific job! Keep it up, Doctor DUMBASS. WE LOVE YOU HERE ON DOTW!!!

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Kanye West is a Rappin' Dumbass

"Hi! I'm Kanye...and I'm a BIG DUMBASS!"
CONGRATULATIONS KANYE! You are our FIRST DOTW, no doubt the head of a long line of DUMBASSES to come. And now, we have multitudes of other DUMBASSES (like Al Sharpton) jumping on this far-fetched and sadly laughable race card crap.

Kanye West, while participating in a televised fundraiser for disaster relief, proved that he is worthy of DUMBASS status. Apparently, Mr West is known for his brashness and confidence - none of which he showed during his disjointed and childish rant on NBC last Friday. See script below:

Kanye West: (Looking every bit the nervous DUMBASS) "I hate the way they portray us in the media. You see a black family and they say we are looting, you see a white family and they say they are looking for food. And, you know, its been five days because most of the people ARE black. And even for me to complain, I would be a hypocrite because I would turn away from the TV because it's too hard to watch. I've even been shopping before even giving a donation, so now I'm calling my business manager right to see what is the biggest amount I can give. And just to imagine, if I was down there and those are my people down there. If there is anybody out there that wants to do anything that we can help about the way America is set up the help the poor, the black people, the less well off as slow as possible. Red cross is doing as much as they can. We already realize a lot of the people that could help are at war right now, fighting another way. And now they've given them permission to go down and shoot us."

Mike Myers: (Turning white as a sheet) "And subtle, but in many ways even more profoundly devastating, is the lasting damage to the survivors' will to rebuild and remain in the area. The destruction of the spirit of the people of southern Louisiana and Mississippi may end up being the most tragic loss of all."

Kanye West: (Pauses nervously - maybe asking himself "Should I go ahead and be a DUMBASS?") "George Bush doesn't care about black people."

Mike Myers: (Looks like he would rather be ANYWHERE but here) "Please call ..." (cut off)

Now, I'm thinking that this DUMBASS might actually be illiterate. It would help explain his incoherent rantings - at a nationally televised Disaster Relief Fundraiser, no less.